Hello Moon(light)ers,
I hope your week has been good so far. I thought mine was doing well, until it wasn’t. But more on that later on.
As you know, my hubby Luke and our pup Peppa had their birthdays last week. So, we decided to celebrate these by going on a road trip down south - to the Southwest of Western Australia. We stayed in Dunsborough, but also went and visited other towns like Yallingup, Busselton, Cowaramup, Margaret River, and Abbey. Let me share you some photos of our trip.
We enjoyed it thoroughly. We stayed at Seagrass Escape in Dunsborough, a lovely AirBnB. We went to see the Slippery Rocks where there was a sculpture of Korrianne, a lovestruck Wadandi (aboriginal) girl; the Busselton Jetty, where there was a train running through it all the way into the ocean; the cows at Cowaramup (or Cowtown as it is lovingly called); wine tasting at Margaret River (Cherubino Cellar Door, Vasse Felix, Amelia Park, and Knotting Hill Estate); and made pottery at Pumpkin Eye Pottery in Abbey; had brunch in Cape Lavender Tea House in Yallingup and brekky at La Lah Cafe in Dunsborough. We also went for a dip in the ocean with Peppa in Dunsborough Beach. All in all, it was very relaxing and fun.
The Plot Twist
My Papa has Colorectal or Sigmoid Colon Cancer. He was diagnosed back in 2022, and was operated on in April that same year. But this is the first time I have ever talked or written about it. I don’t because talking or writing about it makes it feel more real.
The other day, we learned he has to go through chemo. Four to six rounds, one every 21 days. He’s turning 81 in May. I don’t like that he has to go through it because I know there are a lot of side effects, and one of them is that it’s going to make him sick and weak.
In all of my years, this is actually the first time I ever saw him not in control. And it pains me. 😪
Grief Creeps In
Cancer is a bitch. I used to think our family will never ever be touched by it, that we will stay immune to it although one of my maternal Aunts had Breast Cancer. I used to feel sorry for those families who have gone and are going through it, although I never knew the full extent of their grief.
Now, our family is actually going through the same difficult time, and I didn’t realise it was going to be this way - this bad. I now say Fuck Cancer! because I really hate it. I now realise I could lose my Papa over this.
So that is why we are going through chemotherapy.
I’m really sad, but it’s the only way we can get him to get better and live longer, to stay with us a bit more.
I’m crying because I’m still trying to process it all. I don’t know how to do this, what to make of it all. I’m really struggling.
I cannot even! Since the other day, I can barely do anything. I have been obsessing since, and can’t find focus. I don’t even know how I managed to write this. I just sat and laid down the lounge the whole day. All I can think about is - I haven’t even given Pa and Ma their grandchildren yet.
My Prayer
So now I’m down on my knees praying to God. I’m pleading with Him, trying to make a deal with Him.
I’m praying God will keep my Papa safe and protect him, make him strong, and heal him completely. I may be grappling at straws, but I believe in miracles. I know God’s got him. Hold him, God. Please make it work.
I promised God I would stop smoking if only He heals my Papa. Trust me, this is a big deal for me. Smoking has been my safe refuge from everything including stress, and quitting is going to be hard for me, but not as difficult as accepting the fact that I might lose my father over cancer. So, there really is no question about it. I have to quit smoking - and to not give up on Pa.
I love my Papa so much. I love him, God. I love him. 💜
Please 🙏🏼
Ripples and Waves
My Papa is a member of the Rotary Club of Rivercity (Marikina) in the Philippines. He used to write the weekly newsletter entitled Ripples. And I used to edit it for him. We would go over the articles, and being the perfectionist that he is (more than I am), it would take me several edits to make him happy.
Marikina is known for the Marikina River, that is why the club was named Rivercity. We are proud of this river, and though it causes a lot of floods during storms, it is still a beautiful icon that represents our city.
I think of this now, because like the river, grief comes in ripples and waves. We don’t exactly know when the big wave will happen, but there are definitely ripples taking effect in our family now we’re in the middle of a storm.
Small ripples show in the careful over-handling of the chemo sessions, the haunting silence that takes over conversations, the miserable avoidance of the word cancer, and all it entails.
The Family That Handles Cancer Together Stays Together
Like any Asian or Filipino family, ours doesn’t express much emotion. I am probably the most emotional in our family; my sisters are strong mommas taking after our Mama, and my brothers are tough guys too, taking after our Papa. But I know this - we are all shitting ourselves.
Familia Luna was established in 1968, and now we are about to lose one of us - although no one is talking about it. We are all still very hopeful and positive the chemo will work out and heal Papa. But still, it is in the back of our minds. We have never had to deal with anything like this before. It’s all completely new and strange, and we don’t know how to handle it - except appear to be strong or show resilience for Pa.
Resilience? We will battle this cancer together - as a family.
Into The Future
I don’t know what the future holds for our family. But what I can say is that we will do everything we possibly can to make the chemo process as comfortable and painless as possible for Papa. We will shower him with more love than we ever have since forever. We will pray, and hold hands, and eat together. We will stand by each other. We will get through this.
Ripple after ripple, wave after wave - we will float and swim through them. 💜
Here’s your poem for the week, my lovelies!
Always tell your family everyday that you love them!
💬 If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you, whether in a comment, reflection, or question.
Want more?
You can read more of my work and also show your support by purchasing my book, Conversations (I Never Had) With Luna and Other Stories which is available on Amazon. I’ve provided the links here.
🙏Thanks heaps for all your support!
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